


The One and Only Flower in the World

by EmHunter



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Bottom Katsuki Yuuri, Bottom Victor Nikiforov, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Canon Universe, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Long-Haired Victor Nikiforov, M/M, Puppy Love, Shameless Smut, Teen Romance, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Katsuki Yuuri, Top Victor Nikiforov, canon divergence -different first meeting, do not copy to another site
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:35:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22697977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmHunter/pseuds/EmHunter
Summary: Sometimes, you justknow.Canon-divergence fluffy smut in which Yuuri and Victor meet and fall in love as teenagers. They grow up and have all the sex. That’s it. Puppy love with eventual fumbling.**“fumbling” in German is slang for making out. The working title for this was actually ‘Puppy Love with Fumbling'.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 49
Kudos: 226





	The One and Only Flower in the World

**Author's Note:**

> I’d just like to say a couple of things up front about what to expect in this story before I let the puppies out:
> 
> — I’m actually in the middle of writing a Victuuri office AU, but I really needed to get this out of my system. The thought of Yuuri and Victor meeting earlier in their life and being awkward beans besotted with each other wouldn’t stop bugging me. I couldn’t stop thinking about a younger Yuuri falling in love with that boy who would become the love of his life, and what an absolute idiotic dork teenaged Victor in love would be when he gets ready for a date, and this happened.
> 
> — Age! I’ve taken the liberty of changing their ages for the purpose of this story. I made Yuuri one year older and Victor two years younger. Even though this is fiction, I’ve felt there were a lot of wrong ways this could have gone with regards to age. Please trust me that I’ve taken all of them into consideration. There are time gaps between each part, so they’re a little older each time.
> 
> — Rating. This is E rated because as you will see in a moment from this note alone I like my swear words. Also, remember they grow up and have all the sex. I like smut as much as I like swear words.
> 
> — School in Japan. It is not compulsory to go on to senior high school after junior high school, which you finish around 15/16. Pretty much everyone goes on to senior high school until 18. I figured it was okay though for Victor to finish school after the compulsory time because he’s the shit at figure skating and would rather pursue that seriously. 
> 
> — Victor has parents. I wanted to write something happy that picked me up. I wanted the tooth rotting fluff. Real life fucks us hard enough. I wanted to chuck something disgustingly sweet and cute out there. So I wrote Victor parents. They’re alive and nice and kind, and they love him very much and don’t mind that their Vitya’s gay. I like to believe that Russian parents like this do exist. 
> 
> — Victor has a Yakov, too. He’s not very happy about being there but he tries.
> 
> (Now, if I hear someone crying: There’s no way in hell Victor would have been as successful without training in St. Petersburg! Yes, there is, there are three ways actually:  
> 1\. None of this is real. It’s a fictitious take on a fictitious animated show.  
> 2\. Yakov is there. Yakov could pull off this shit wherever.  
> 3\. He’s Victor fucking Nikiforov.)
> 
> The song I borrowed the title from and which pops up occasionally is called ‘Sekai ni Hitotsu no Dake no Hana’ by S.M.A.P. It was a massive hit in Japan at the time they would have met, and the flower/ ‘only one’ theme really made me think of Yuuri and Victor. The other song quoted is also by S.M.A.P., it’s called ‘Moai’.
> 
> Love and cookies and heartfelt thank you to the very sweet fellow writers out there who’ve been so encouraging. To those who took the time to discuss this fic with me and calmed my nerves and gave me feedback on first snippets - this meant so much! Thank you! xxx
> 
> I haven’t written or posted anything in forever. It might show. Especially in the formatting, this gave me an absolute headache and I apologise for any inconsistencies. You have been warned. (^.^)

**I**

  
Yuuri knows from the first moment. He knows that this is his person.  
  
The rink is swarming with people; it’s open skating time at the Ice Castle. There’s not much else to do in Hasetsu on an early Tuesday evening. Between the adults just wanting to have a bit of fun leading their small children around the ice, a few local youngsters are eager to show off just how much they aspire to become the next Asada Mao or Oda Nobunari. Yuuri has finished skating figures in a less crowded spot when he sees them come in, immediately standing out with their fair Western colouring which seems so out of place here. Takeshi’s father is watching over the open skating from the barriers, and Yuuri sees his frown from across the ice and how he starts frantically looking around for his son as he is approached by the blond woman. Yuuri was about to cool off and head home anyway. As he skates over to the opening in the barrier he picks up a conversation in broken English.  
  
Now, Yuuri is quite good at English. Takeshi’s parents, not so much. And Yuuri isn’t one to put himself in the spotlight but neither Yūko nor Takeshi are anywhere to be seen.   
  
Feeling a sudden bout of bravery he doesn’t know where from, Yuuri glides closer to the barrier, stopping himself with both hands. “Can I help, Nishigori-san?” he asks in English.  
  
Three pairs of eyes turn to him, one brown, two blue. Yuuri feels his face flush crimson and his stomach entangle in anxious knots but he stands his ground. There’s a stronger feeling somewhere deep inside him, still sleeping and only stirring very carefully, just enough to tell him that it’s important that he does this.  
  
The woman looks relieved. With two steps she is at the barrier and has enveloped one of Yuuri’s hands in both of hers.  
  
“You speak English?”  
  
Yuuri nods. Her accent is on the harsher side. In a moment, as she continues speaking, Yuuri will hear that her sentences are clipped and she rolls her ‘r’s, her intonation is often wrong but yet melodic. She smells of violets and is very beautiful. She introduces herself, and she has more names than any other person Yuuri has ever met.  
  
Yuuri understands that she has just moved here from Russia for her husband’s work. He works in Tokyo though, most of the time, something important that demands his constant presence. She is an artist and chose Kyūshū because she wanted a more scenic place if she had to be uprooted and live in such a very different country, far away from everything and everyone that she knows.   
  
“This is my son. He will finish school here.”  
  
A gush of Russian ensues from her left. Yuuri cannot make out any more than the word ‘mama.’ The voice is already deep, but oh, so gentle.  
  
The woman’s head snaps around. “Just two more years, Vitya! You don’t have to do high school,” she says adamantly and in English, scolding him with her expression alone for being rude and speaking in a language not everyone present can understand.  
  
She turns to Yuuri again, casts a glance at Nishigori-san too, as this brings her round to why she is here. “He likes skating. He can skate here?”  
  
Yuuri turns to face him then. And that thing that has been sleeping inside him jolts wide awake the first time they lock eyes.  
  
Tall and lithe, he holds himself with a natural grace Yuuri has never come across in anyone but Minako-sensei, and she is a ballerina. He has his mother’s refined features, her complexion, her sea blue eyes. His hair is much lighter than hers, almost silver, and so long that it nearly comes down to his waist even though he has it tied in a ponytail.

He is the most beautiful person Yuuri has ever seen.  
  
He is wearing grey jogging pants and an ice blue hoodie. Yuuri can see a plain black T-shirt underneath where the zipper is a little way pulled down. Grey fingerless gloves that look adoringly hand-made are on his hands, and he’s already in skates. Those aren’t rented from the Ice Castle. They’re black, and they look expensive, Yuuri can tell that much.

“Yes, yes, no problem,” he hears Nishigori-san say in his rudimentary English. 

“Mamochka.” The boy tugs gently on his mother’s arm but he is still looking at Yuuri. “You don’t need me for this, _da?_ I can go skate now?”  
  
His English is as heavily accented as hers. Yuuri wants to listen to him speak forever.  
  
His mother sighs. Nishigori-san has remembered the English word for ‘office’, and she falters for a moment, looking between Yuuri and her son, then succumbs to her fate and follows Nishigori-san as he leads the way.  
  
The boy steps out onto the ice and takes Yuuri by the hand without asking for permission. Yuuri feels that thing that has been sleeping inside him unfurl like blossoms in springtime, growing and spreading warmth all through his body until he thinks he can feel it from the tips of his toes to the ends of every single hair that stands up messily from his head.  
  
The stereo system at the rink plays a song that has been at the top of the charts for months. Everybody in Japan knows this song, but this boy doesn’t. He doesn’t understand Japanese and Yuuri wishes he could tell him the meaning of the words, tell him how much they remind him of him, of beauty and flowers and smiles.  
  
The boy’s beauty and grace manifolds on the ice. They skate side by side, hands entangled, and the boy side-eyes him with one raised eyebrow as if he wants to see whether Yuuri can keep up. Yuuri knows they probably don’t need to hold hands because they are both good skaters but none of them lets go. He feels more warmth seep into his hands from fingertips that are not covered by gloves.  
  
The boy glides in front of Yuuri and turns around so that he’s skating backwards now, taking Yuuri’s other hand with his free hand, and it all happens so fast and so smooth, Yuuri nearly trips and falls. The boy is close in front of him in an instant, holding him steady with his hands on Yuuri’s arms, and for a moment they spin around in a circle, holding on to one another, until they come to stand still, laughing.  
  
“My name is Yuuri,” Yuuri says and suddenly feels very breathless.  
  
“Hi Yuuri.” The boy smiles a heart-shaped smile. He pronounces his name with a drawn out ‘u’ and a rolling ‘r’, and up until this moment Yuuri had no idea that his name could sound so beautiful.  
  
That night Yuuri lies in his bed and looks at his hands in wonder, thinking that he can still feel them tingle with warmth where the boy held on to him. He smiles into the night, knowing that some things will never be the same again and that he should probably feel anxious, but he doesn’t.  
  
Yuuri’s heart is now beating to the syllables of his name.  
  
_Vi-ku-to-ru…Vi-ku-to-ru…Vi-ku-to-ru…_  


**II**

  
  
Victor looks at himself in the mirror and fusses with the silver tresses flowing down his back. His mother has braided an intricate French plait into his hair on one side, but apart from that he’s wearing his hair down. He’s put on his favourite pair of black slacks with a light blue shirt that his mother helped him pick the last time they went to visit his father in Tokyo. He blushes at the memory of his parents teasing him in the middle of the fancy Omotesando store, his father laughing when his mother claimed that Yuuri would love this shirt on him as he loved his eyes. Victor knows he is very lucky with his parents, for letting him like boys when he is a boy himself. He knows many people back home in Russia don’t. Though it’s not boy _s_ Victor likes. Just the one.  
  
He needs a belt, he decides, for his pants not to fall down his slender hips, and he reaches for a black leather one with a square buckle that will go well with the black leather loafers he calls his ‘grown up shoes’ and will hopefully add a tad more masculinity to his look.  
  
Yakov says he’s still a flower fairy, even in those shoes. Whatever that means. But Yakov is a grumpy old man and he hates that he had to leave St. Petersburg to come all the way to Japan for coaching Victor. Victor was getting too good at figure skating and too eager to compete internationally, he needed the best coach he could get. But Victor’s father cannot leave his job in Japan and move back home. And going back to Russia alone to live and train with Yakov is out of the question for Victor. So Yakov is here, and he hates it, and he lets Victor know it every day, as if Victor didn’t notice how much Yakov actually enjoys walking for hours on the beach, or fishing, or relaxing in the onsen before he watches sports with Yuuri’s father.  
  
Victor fetches the cake box from the fridge and calls out goodbye to his mother as he walks by the open door of her studio, where nothing of her is currently visible apart from her legs under a huge canvas on the easel.  
  
The spring sun is already warm but he grabs a jacket on the way out because he’s secretly hoping he won’t come home before it becomes cool enough for him to wear it.

It’s a glorious day for _hanami_ in Hasetsu. The whole of Kyūshū seems to think so, or so it appears to Victor, as there are so many people milling about. The town’s putting on a small festival, and it’s drawing a crowd. He knows that his father and Yuuri’s family are somewhere, but they’ve deliberately made no plans to meet up with them. Victor’s father is a jovial bear of man who loves his work as much as he loves his wife and son, and he comes down from Tokyo as much as his work allows for, which isn’t often. He talks loud and laughs louder and when he hugs Victor, Victor always fears he might crush him. He and Toshiya Katsuki get on like a house on fire and are very likely going to end the night passed out from too much sake and song on the floor of the Katsukis’ living room. The dogs are staying at the hot spring resort today in case they get scared of the crowds or the fireworks later. So it will just be the two of them. If you count out the crowd. 

Yuuri doesn’t know it yet, but Victor is going to kiss him tonight.

Victor arrives early at their meeting point, but Yuuri is already there. He promised to find the best spot and simply texted Victor directions. He has spread out the blanket under a huge cherry tree in one of the less run over corners of the park and is sitting on the picnic basket, waiting for Victor, dressed up in jeans and what Victor thinks is a new white polo shirt. His hair looks sleeked back and Victor makes a mental note to not leave it like that for long. He likes it when Yuuri’s hair looks all tousled and sticking up. The fact that Yuuri seems to have made as much of an effort as he has makes Victor’s heart sing.

The moment Yuuri sees Victor walking up his face lights up with the power of a thousand light bulbs. It has Victor’s heart pound harder in his chest and his feet move a little faster.

He is in love with this boy. Victor is in love with Yuuri. 

He frets a lot over whether Yuuri likes him, too. Victor thinks the fact that Yuuri beseeched his parents for a poodle puppy after he met Victor and Makkachin and even named it after Victor might hint very strongly at the fact, but one can never be too sure.

“konnichiwa, Yuuri-kun,” Victor says, hoping it doesn’t come out as wrong as it sounds to himself. Yuuri has been helping him learn Japanese over the past couple of months since they met each other, often when they walk their dogs together on the beach.

Yuuri blushes and replies in Japanese. Victor loves how Yuuri pronounces his name. 

_Vikutoru._

Other people have already set up their picnics in the vicinity, and there’s a pleasant hum and buzz of voices and music all around them, but not directly next to them. Victor feels the usual stares he gets. His very fair complexion and his long silver hair are a constant fascination to the Japanese people. He often gets asked if they may take his picture. He hopes not today though. 

Yuuri notices some children staring from a nearby family party and suggests they move the blanket a little further behind the tree so that Victor is not quite so much on display. Victor grins to himself as they move everything, tickled to the ends of his hair because Yuuri looked so flustered, so eager to hide Victor from other people. Does he want to have Victor all to himself? The thought almost makes Victor drop the picnic basket. 

It’s the first time Victor experiences _hanami_ in his fifteen-year-old life. He can’t really believe that people don’t do anything else but sit under cherry blossoms and admire their fleeting beauty, bringing a picnic and music. But this is exactly what they do.

Yuuri’s mother has packed them way too much food. Victor expected as much, but he’s still thrilled. Once they have set everything out, he presents Yuuri with the cake box. 

“It’s _Medovik_ ,” he explains. “Russian honey cake. I wanted to bring you a gift, for the picnic. I made it for you. Well… Mama helped.”

Yuuri’s eyes widen behind his glasses. He opens the lid and looks at the small round layered cake. 

“We tried a couple of times until we got the measurements right. We had to use less of everything and didn’t know for sure if the taste would still be the same. Papa was happy to eat all the failed attempts. We tried to make it more Japanese… cakes are much smaller in Japan than in Russia.”

Victor is babbling, he knows, but he’s so nervous. 

Finally Yuuri looks up from the cake. “Thank you,” he says shyly. And that nobody has ever made a cake just for him before. His face looks very pink now. Victor is delighted. 

They’ve assembled all kinds of special cherry blossom food and drink editions. Over the past few days they went to every _konbini_ they know just to hunt down the special sakura food and drinks because Victor was excited to hear something like this exists. He wants to try everything. 

They sample and compare different brands of cherry blossom flavoured coke, laughing when the sweet smelling liquid fizzes out because the bottles have been moved around too much, and they try to keep it away from their clothes. Victor cannot resist messing up Yuuri’s hair with one hand when Yuuri leans into him as they try to get the sticky Sakura Pepsi spray away from them. Victor is a little upset to find he doesn’t like any of them much, the bottles look so pretty. Yuuri starts rummaging in the picnic basket again and produces two bottles of Ramune. 

Yuzu flavour. Victor’s favourite. 

They push the glass marble into the bottle to open it and bring their bottles together with a clang in a toast. They eat more sandwiches and share the cake between them. 

Yuuri has thought of everything and even brought a small radio. They prop it up in one corner of the blanket and lay down side by side, arms under their heads, talking about skating and Victor’s life in Russia and how he got Makkachin. They talk about school and how hard Victor finds it to fit in because while he is well liked the language barrier is really hard and he cares more about skating anyway. When they fall quiet they just look up at the cherry blossoms. Victor is surprised he can lie so still when his heart is hammering in his chest. He is sure Yuuri must hear it. They spread their jackets over themselves when a sea breeze brings a sudden chill and shakes the branches so that cherry blossom petals come softly raining down on them. Victor thinks it’s beautiful.

Victor’s heart skips a beat when his hand accidentally brushes against Yuuri’s in the space on the blanket between their bodies, safely out of sight covered by their jackets. He waits for Yuuri to pull his hand away. But Yuuri doesn’t. Victor turns his head and sees Yuuri looking concentratedly up at the cherry blossoms above them. That pink flush is on his cheeks again, but he keeps absolutely still. Victor holds his breath for a moment and dares inch his hand just the smallest bit closer.  


He watches Yuuri’s face. If anything, the blush on Yuuri’s face deepens. Victor feels Yuuri’s hand moving, his fingers inching just the smallest bit closer. Victor replies likewise. Bit by bit they let their fingers move closer, search and find until their hands are tightly entwined under the blanket. Still Yuuri won’t look at Victor, but there’s a smile on his face now. 

A new song comes on the radio and Victor raises his eyebrows in recognition. 

“Yuuri-kun,” he says. “It’s the song that played at the Ice Castle on the day we met.”

Yuuri still doesn’t look at him, but he still smiles softly, and quotes a line from the song. 

“‘namae mo shiranakatta keredo, ano hi boku ni egao wo kureta.’” _Now_ Yuuri turns his head and looks at Victor. “‘I never knew their name but that day they made me smile,’” he translates into English so Victor won’t have to. 

Victor smiles his heart-shaped smile. Yuuri doesn’t know that Victor has been listening to this song lots of times since the day he met Yuuri. He has searched for a translation on the internet and practised the words. Unlike his Japanese homework, Victor is quite sure about the words of this song. 

He turns on his side and rest his weight on his elbow, props his head up on his hand and looks down at Yuuri. Yuuri doesn’t say anything. He just looks up at him with so much deep emotion that Victor feels his heart ready to jump out of his throat. 

“‘motomoto tokubetsuna only one,’” Victor says carefully as the song ends. _You’ve always been a very special only one._

Yuuri reaches up for the braid in Victor’s hair and winds it around his finger, tugging lightly so that Victor has to lower his head until their faces are mere inches apart. Yuuri stares at Victor’s mouth for the longest time and then heaves the deepest sigh of regret Victor has ever heard in his life. Victor feels it like physical pain. They might be in a secluded spot but they are still in public.

When Yuuri insists they pack up before the fireworks begin, Victor is actually a little disappointed. But he helps him assemble leftover food in boxes and arrange them in the picnic basket with the plates and cutlery. They shake out the blanket together and fold it, and they collect their trash and pack it so that they can dispose of it properly at home. 

They zigzag their way out of the park around the assembled groups of people and Victor walks Yuuri home. The streets are deserted the closer they get to Yuuri’s home, but it is not until they stand under the cherry tree right outside Yuuri’s window that Victor understands why Yuuri was in such a hurry to leave. 

The fireworks are starting and they can faintly hear claps and people calling out in surprise and admiration from the direction of the park, over the music from the radio they left playing on the way home. There is nobody around, everyone is down at the park and by the harbour to watch the fireworks. 

Victor is holding the picnic basket with both hands but he gently puts it down now just like Yuuri sets down the blanket and his backpack, which the radio is tied to. Yuuri withdraws further into the shadow of the cherry tree. Victor follows. He cannot not go wherever Yuuri goes. 

Yuuri’s back hits the wall and Victor plants his hands firmly on the wall to the left and right of Yuuri’s face. He feels Yuuri tremble as he leans in, his breath exhilarating in synch with Yuuri’s. The radio carries over a soft guitar-accompanied song, and Victor understands the words. They were some of the first things he wanted to be able to say in Japanese.

_Soba ni ite hoshii, hanarenaide hoshii… I want to be with you, I don’t want you to leave_

Victor kisses Yuuri under the cherry blossoms and the earth positively sways under his feet. Yuuri tastes sweet, of sugary lemonade and cake, and something uniquely Yuuri that Victor instantly gets addicted to. Yuuri sighs against his lips and Victor feels bold and lets the tip of his tongue take a first tentative taste. Instantly electricity surges through him from top to toe. Yuuri kisses him back! Yuuri brings his hands into Victor’s hair and entangles his fingers in it, pulling his head closer into the kiss. Victor cradles Yuuri’s cheek with one hand, but he needs the other to support himself on the wall because his knees have turned to jelly and threaten to give out under him. 

They come apart, panting and with sparkling eyes, smiles so wide that there’s no end to them. Yuuri’s glasses sit slightly wonky on his nose. Victor straightens them with gentle fingers. 

_Hitotsu nagareboshi negai kanau rashii no sa… Say you trust me… They say a wish on the first shooting star will come true… Say you trust me…_

The words from the radio make Victor involuntarily glance up at the sky. No shooting star in sight, only the fireworks down by the harbour. But he couldn’t possibly wish for any more tonight. His greatest wish has already come true. 

Yuuri’s phone rings. It breaks the spell, but not their smiles, never their smiles. 

Yuuri speaks briefly in Japanese to Mari, then slips his phone into his back pocket. 

“My parents will bring your father round here when the fireworks are over,” Yuuri tells him. “Your mother is going to come and collect you all.” 

Victor nods and picks up the picnic basket again as he follows Yuuri inside. They are both still smiling, still breathless. Blushing profusely whenever their eyes meet. Stepping into the Katsuki home feels already so natural to Victor. Makkachin, too, lies cuddled up with Vicchan by the _kotatsu_ , and Yuuri’s parents will bring Victor’s father with them. Already their lives feel so entangled as if they were meant to be. 

Victor helps Yuuri put away all the picnic things and watches him make tea. Once again Yuuri explains the intricacies of Japanese garbage disposal to him, but it goes way over Victor’s head as it always does. He doesn’t have one thought to spare for anything other than Yuuri tonight. 

Heat is seeping through the thin walls of the earless clay mugs Yuuri put out, and they carry their tea very carefully to the living room. They will watch TV with the dogs, one of these crazy Japanese game shows that not even Yuuri understands, their legs stuck under the _kotatsu_ and maybe, just maybe, they can sneak in some more kisses until their parents come home. 

Victor has never felt so warm in his life.  


**III**

  
  
Afternoon sun dips the room in a warm orange glow. Specks of dust are dancing in the rays of sunlight that slant across the English grammar books lying open on the desk. Neat protective book covers and meticulously written kanji make them out as Yuuri’s books.  
  
Yuuri isn’t anywhere near his books. He’s in Victor’s arms, on Victor’s bed, for this is Victor’s room and they were supposed to study English together. Victor travels a lot for competitions nowadays and his English is becoming flawless, but he is home now and this is one of his rare days off. He’s always been a gifted figure-skater and now he’s reaping the fruits of his hard work.  
  
Victor is sixteen now and he’s had his senior debut a few months ago. Yuuri couldn’t be prouder. But it means less time together, more arduous training, more bruised and bloody feet, more yelling by Yakov who still hates that he cannot coach Victor in St. Petersburg where the facilities would be much more professional. But Yakov is immensely proud of Victor’s achievements. Yuuri knows this because Yakov frequently gets tipsy with Yuuri’s father at the onsen and Toshiya Katsuki wrestles all the secrets out of Yakov over the best local liquor.

Yuuri wants to finish high school while pursuing skating at the same time. The workload is hard but he is determined and it keeps him focussed when Victor isn’t around. He has dance lessons with Minako-sensei and trains at the Ice Castle pretty much every day. Takeshi’s parents let him use the rink whenever it’s free and Yuuri feels the need to practise. He’s doing well in junior national competitions so far. His coach commutes from Fukuoka, but when Victor is home Yuuri gets to train with him and Yakov. Yakov wasn’t too happy about that either at first, but Victor has a way of winding Yakov up to get what he wants that borders slightly on emotional blackmail. Yuuri on the other hand is as disciplined a student as Yakov could only wish a student to be. Yuuri also has a calming influence on Victor, which Yakov cannot treasure enough. Yuuri has always seen how fond Yakov and Victor are of each other. They just have a rough way of showing it sometimes. 

The travelling is what really wears Yuuri down. He misses Victor so much when he’s away. It feels like there’s a Victor-shaped blank wherever he goes in Hasetsu when Victor is gone. He wishes he could go with him, which is ridiculous of course because of school and practice. That’s the goal for later - when they’re both competing as seniors internationally, they can always travel together. Yuuri hopes he can become good enough to share the ice with Victor. 

When Victor’s away, Yuuri’s anxiety begins to rear its head at inopportune moments. Sometimes he finds himself freaking out when Victor is on a plane somewhere and he hasn’t heard from him as soon as he knows the plane landed. 

“Don’t turn around,” Victor whispers to him every time Yuuri sees him off at the airport. There’s a superstition he’s heard of, that when you turn around and look back at someone you’ve said goodbye to, you will never see that person again. Yuuri never turns around after he says goodbye to Victor, even though it’s tearing up his heart. He knows Victor never turns around either when he follows Yakov to the gate. They’re not taking any chances there.

They have been together for two years now, not officially, but the few people close to them probably know. They like to be in their own little world. The Ice Castle is the only place where they don’t mind being seen - skating is the one time when they can hold hands in public because pretty much everybody holds on to somebody on the ice. Their families know, of course, Yūko and Takeshi do because they are Yuuri’s closest friends and always at the Ice Castle. They can feel safe and free in their respective homes, even though there will always be the watchful eye of a set of parents or an older sister. It’s possible that the people of their small town who see them together have their own thoughts on the nature of their friendship. But nobody bothers them. 

Yuuri and Victor have always known. From the moment they met they’ve known they belonged to each other. Things just slipped into place.  
  
Victor is shirtless, long silver hair laying across his chest. This too, was Yuuri’s doing. Yuuri has never been fond of physical closeness but with Victor, he cannot feel close enough. 

They are half-heartedly watching a tape of Victor’s most recent competition, going over the strengths and flaws of their competitors. Victor has a very sharp eye, and his input on Yuuri’s skating is invaluable. He never speaks badly about other skaters as people though, keeps criticism strictly to their skating. Christophe Giacometti is currently on the screen and Victor relates an anecdote about him at the competition. Something about a waitress and a glass of wine. The way he calls him ‘Chris’ makes prickly little question marks dance in Yuuri’s mind that irritate him.

Yuuri reaches over Victor’s chest for the remote control and switches the TV off. 

Victor’s eyebrows come up in a question. Yuuri kneels back on his heels on the bed and looks at Victor from under his lashes for a moment. He takes off his glasses and places them on the small table beside Victor’s bed. Victor’s arm comes out and Yuuri moves right into his embrace, stretches himself out along the length of Victor’s body on the bed and kisses him. 

There have been many kisses since that night under the cherry blossoms. There have been stolen touches, nights spent cuddled up in the same bed. 

Yuuri feels bold. He’s fifteen and horny and in love. 

He dreams about Victor pretty much every night and wakes up with sticky pyjamas. Sometimes he wakes up before, which he prefers, because then he can shimmy his pyjama pants down his hips and touch himself, imagining it was Victor’s hand on him, stroking him. Sometimes he fantasises it’s Victor’s mouth, he always comes really fast then.

Yuuri loves kissing Victor. The lazy manner in which Victor can coax his tongue out to play makes him feel heady. Victor loves to kiss him until he goes pliant and willing in his arms, only to suddenly take possession of his mouth in a way that makes Yuuri wish fervently he would be using his tongue like this on other parts of his body. 

Yuuri wants to kiss. More. Kiss more. So he does.

He peppers kisses down Victor’s throat and chest until his lips close around one pearly nipple and he reaches for the other nipple with his hand, rolling it between his fingers. Victor hisses. 

Yuuri stops immediately and looks at him, concerned he has hurt him. 

Victor shakes his head. “Feels… good…” He sounds breathless. 

“Vitya...” Yuuri breathes against his ear. The endearment falls easily from his lips now, but secretly he hopes Victor knows that Yuuri still prefers to call him Victor. Victor definitely prefers it, he’s told Yuuri so, if only for the way Yuuri pronounces his name so uniquely that it makes him feel distinctly Yuuri’s. 

Victor in turn has stopped calling him Yuuri-kun more than a year ago, since he learned that just the name, without any honorific whatsoever, is the most intimate form of addressing someone in Japan. He is just Yuuri to him now. His Yuuri. 

“Vitya, I dream about you every night.” Yuuri’s hand comes up again to work one nipple between his fingers. Victor throws his head back and gasps. Yuuri files away the discovery for further reference. It’s good to know how sensitive Victor is there.

Victor smiles now. He’s heard that before. 

“What can we do about those dreams of yours?” His voice is husky with emotion, his eyelids heavy when he tries to look at Yuuri again.

Yuuri has buried his face in the curve of Victor’s neck, panting as he rubs himself against Victor’s leg for some friction. He’s hard, Victor can feel the distinct bulge press into his thigh. Yuuri’s hand slides down from Victor’s nipple, fingertips skimming across his taut stomach and marble skin until they’re dipping under the waistband of his sweatpants for a teasing moment. 

“Yuuri…” Victor moans, breathless. He stills Yuuri’s hand with a grip on his wrist. 

“Please, Vitya...” Yuuri raises his head from Victor’s neck and looks at him. His eyes are wide and shining with excitement. “I want to make you feel good. Please let me?”

Any moment now Victor will come in his pants like the horny teenager that he is. There’s already a dark patch seeping through the front of his pants. Yuuri has caught on now and looks at Victor with such a triumphant smirk on his face that it makes Victor even harder. 

Yuuri palms him through his pants, and Victor closes his eyes and drops his head back into the pillow. His cock springs free when Yuuri pushes his pants and underpants down with one hand. Victor nearly passes out when he opens his eyes only to see Yuuri lick a wet trail over his hand before he closes it around Victor’s cock again and starts stroking. Victor moans quietly as he thrusts into Yuuri’s hand, and his cheeks are blazing red because he watches Yuuri from hooded eyes and Yuuri does not take his eyes off of Victor’s cock. Victor comes very soon, unable to stand the look on Yuuri’s face or the touch. And Yuuri looks hungry, and that alone makes Victor spill all over Yuuri’s hand with a quiet grunt. 

He reaches for a tissue box from his bedside table and nearly drops it when he turns back to Yuuri and sees him licking his fingers. Victor feels like someone punched the air out of his lungs. 

“Naughty!” he says softly and pulls Yuuri into a kiss. He tastes himself on Yuuri’s tongue and it makes him blush all over again. 

Yuuri is still hard and rutting against Victor’s leg, and Victor turns him over onto his back. Together they wrestle Yuuri out of his shirt and then Victor reaches into Yuuri’s pants. He feels silky hardness straining against his palm and sets a quick pace until Yuuri comes with the quietest soft moan and Victor’s name on his lips. Victor wonders if this is what he’s like when he brings himself off at home alone, whether he murmurs Victor’s name when he comes. The thought makes his cock twitch with interest again. 

Victor cleans them both up as good as he can with the tissues, then pulls the blanket over them and takes Yuuri close in his arms. 

“Yuuri...” Victor murmurs against the slightly damp temple where strands of Yuuri unruly black hair are sticking. “I love you so much.”

Yuuri doesn’t say anything. But Victor knows. He can feel Yuuri’s love in the kiss Yuuri places on his collarbone. In the way he shifts in Victor’s embrace so that their legs are even closer entangled. In the way Yuuri’s hand searches for his hand and places their tightly entwined fingers right over Victor’s frantically beating heart.

Outside dusk is setting, and Yuuri’s English homework remains forgotten on Victor’s desk. They are too busy cuddling and kissing in the flickering light of the TV until they fall asleep.

  


**IV**  


  
Victor dreams.

He dreams of Yuuri between his legs with his plush lips around his cock, and his hips thrust involuntarily upward. Yuuri’s eyes as he takes him deeper into his mouth are absolutely sinful.  
  
Victor wakes up with his cock in his hand and spilling over himself after a couple more quick strokes. He grabs a handful of the pile of tissues he pulled from the box in the bathroom and placed on the side of his bed because he knew that this was going to happen. Once he has cleaned himself up he tosses the soiled tissues carelessly on the carpet beside the bed. 

This is ridiculous. Victor knows that. He is nineteen years old and shouldn’t get so hung up on a blowjob but. It was the most amazing thing he has experienced with Yuuri so far. Yuuri at eighteen is becoming a gorgeous young man, his body toned from dancing and work-out, and Victor just wants to die for the slender curve of Yuuri’s hips, for his thighs, his arse. Victor especially loves when Yuuri gains a little weight off season, and he makes sure to let him know, because Yuuri himself gets very self-conscious about his body and sometimes Victor actually has to wrestle Yuuri’s shirt off of him when Yuuri suddenly feels anxious that Victor may not like what he sees when he looks at him.

Victor snorts quietly to himself in his hotel bed. As if. Worshipping Yuuri Katsuki, body and heart and soul, is Victor’s superpower along with figure skating, though Victor is pretty sure that even skating comes only second. The most beautiful part of Yuuri however is his heart. The way he smiles when his eyes see Victor. All the little things and gestures. He never forgets anything, unlike Victor, who can be a scatterbrain. He always looks out for Victor, always has a small thoughtful gift to surprise him with. Insignificant things like flowers or a favourite lemonade that mean the world to Victor.

Yuuri also has a wicked temper, and a grim determination when it comes to skating. Victor never tells him that it’s quite a turn on for him, although Yuuri probably knows. 

Yuuri’s anxiety can put a spanner in the works of everything. It’s less frequent now but it can still hurl Yuuri into a dark place when it pounces on him. The only thing _Victor _feels anxious about is that he cannot be there for Yuuri in time when those dark feelings strike. He wants to be there for Yuuri always, hold him and help him breathe through it if gets really bad. He always makes sure to call Yuuri right away or at least send a text when he’s off the plane and has switched his phone back on because he knows how Yuuri frets when he is in the air.__

____

Victor wants to be the constant Yuuri can hold on to and to tell Yuuri it’s going to be alright. It overwhelms Victor when people cry in front of him, but he tries his best, for Yuuri. Victor believes in Yuuri, even when Yuuri doesn't believe in himself. 

____

Sometimes they fight over programmes or training regimes, or the potential Yuuri cannot see he has but Victor can, and they will not speak until they’ve each worked off their anger, but they always make up. Yuuri flubs his jumps when he overthinks, then he loses confidence, then skates even worse. It’s a vicious circle not even Victor can always break through. He waits patiently and whenever Yuuri is ready to reach out again, Victor is there. Victor has decided that they will never go to sleep as long as a fight is not resolved. 

____

Victor misses Yuuri. If in any way possible, Victor loves him more with every day.  
  
He is in Beijing for the Cup of China. There’s only his free skate awaiting him the next day, and he went to bed early, after dinner with Chris and both their coaches became a little strained. Yakov still hates not being able to train in St. Petersburg and won’t hesitate to tell anyone who wants to hear it or not, but he’s come to accept his fate now. Yuuri’s parents might have a lot to do with that. They take care of Yakov like they take care of anyone who steps through their door.  
  
Victor’s phone blinks on the bedside table. There’s a stylish, subtle blue light flashing time and again on the side that tells him there’s a message or missed call so he knows without having to see the display. Victor absolutely adores his Japanese technology.  
  
Victor reaches for his phone. Yuuri has sent him a string of messages after they talked earlier about Victor’s short programme and Yakov’s mood at dinner until Victor was yawning so much that Yuuri told him to go to sleep. “I can’t sleep without you!” Victor pouted, as Victor always does, and Yuuri laughed softly and told him goodnight, as Yuuri always does. 

____

They speak on the phone every night when they sleep apart, even at home in Hasetsu with just a few kilometres separating them.

____

_Vitya  
I can’t sleep_

____

Victor smiles as he starts reading Yuuri’s messages starting with the oldest one. 

____

_I miss you_

____

I miss you too, Victor thinks and then the dreamy smile is knocked right off his face. 

____

_Vitya!  
I’m touching myself  
I want you here with me now  
I want your mouth on me_  
  


____

Victor chuckles behind his hand. His Yuuri gets bold when they’re apart and Victor can’t see his face. He feels courageous writing things rather than saying them out loud. But Victor can see his face very well without having to be physically present. He knows every dancing sparkle in his Yuuri’s eyes and he wants to weep at the distance. Victor has never felt like this about anyone else before and never will about anyone else again. 

____

He knows Yuuri won’t read this before the morning but he wants to give him something, anything.

____

_Soon, my love._

____

It can have all kinds of meanings, and Victor knows Yuuri knows them all. They understand each other like their very own language. 

____

His hand sneaks down beneath the sheets almost of its own accord. He sighs quietly, his mind full of Yuuri. There’s only ever been Yuuri for him. His cock is hardening again and Victor strokes himself faster, gasps as he remembers how Yuuri loves to run his thumb over his leaking tip so maddeningly slowly, and Victor does it now. He closes his eyes and immediately Yuuri is there with him in his mind, stealing the first pearly pre-cum and licking it off his fingertips like he loves to do.  
  
His phone buzzes with an incoming message and Victor’s eyes fly open. He grabs his phone with his free hand and hisses quietly through his teeth.

____

_Vitya  
Are you touching yourself, too?  
You are, aren’t you?_

____

A weak laugh tumbles from Victor’s mouth. It takes him forever to type a reply with his left hand but he very desperately needs his right hand to stroke himself to full hardness now because he’s aching.

____

_you should be asleep_

____

Yuuri’s reply is prompt and has Victor wide awake.

____

_I wish it were your fingers inside me now_  


____

Victor can see Yuuri in his mind’s eye, hiding under his blanket in that small bed of his, only the mess of black hair and his flushed pink face peeking out, looking perfectly cute and adorable while under the blanket, Victor knows, there’s all wickedness and sex on fire. Victor is a weak mess for this Yuuri, who very likely has his delectable arse in the air and two fingers buried inside him right now. Victor moans not so quietly; it’s driving him mad he can’t be with Yuuri right at this moment.  
  


____

_Vitya  
When you come home  
Please can I fuck your mouth?_

____

Victor’s hips fly off the bed. He is so turned on by this combination of innocence and desire that is Yuuri, but only for Victor, only ever for Victor. He even wrote ‘please’, for god’s sake!  
  
A new incoming message is just a picture. Victor tosses the phone away from him on the bed and his left hand flies to his mouth, fingers pushing between his lips. He almost mewls into his pillow. Yuuri has sent him a dick pick. His first ever. Victor has sent Yuuri loads, but Yuuri always said he would never do that because he’s too shy. Shy my ass, Victor thinks, retrieves his phone and stares at the screen. And the thought of having that shoved between his lips makes Victor come hard and groan out Yuuri’s name so heartfelt it’s almost painful.  
  
This boy is going to be the death of him, Victor thinks as he lies flat on his back, catching his breath and grinning stupidly at the ceiling.

____

He cannot wait to get home.  
  
  


____

__

____

**V**

____

_  
_  
_   
_

Yuuri is skating by himself in the deserted Ice Castle. Back at the onsen he knows celebrations are being prepared. It’s his birthday, but it is also a farewell party, and he wants to be alone on the ice for a while to sort out the clutter of emotions inside of him. 

____

Takeshi came by a little while ago, with the triplets asleep in their stroller they’d had specially made. And wow, Yuuri has never seen anyone look so tired in his life. Takeshi told him that Yūko had fallen asleep with her head in one of the plates of baby food on the table and he had packed up the girls so Yūko could get some sleep. Despite having help from both Yūko and Takeshi’s parents, they are constantly exhausted and, as Yuuri feels, overwhelmed by having to take care by of three toddlers simultaneously. Even though Yūko and Takeshi have fallen in love and gotten married very young, the pregnancy and becoming parents to three girls all at once shook them up. 

____

Victor will be sorry he missed them, Yuuri thinks as he skates lazily through the routine that is very probably becoming his new short programme. Victor adores kids and the triplets love him. Yuuri feels a faint blush creep into his cheeks as he tries a jump, just a double. They have never talked about this topic, and they probably won’t for years to come yet, but Yuuri thinks about the options they might have should they ever decide they want to have children. It won’t be easy, he knows that much. 

____

Yuuri isn’t at all sure how he would handle a small anxious bean such as himself but he knows for a fact that Victor would be an amazing father. His heart leaps in his chest like he leaps right now into a double axel when he thinks about how Victor would shower their kids with love and heart-shaped smiles and spoil them rotten, so much that Yuuri knows they would definitely need him, Yuuri, around to be the voice of reason. It’s a ridiculous thought, Yuuri knows, but as he glides slowly over the ice, he suddenly wants to have half a dozen babies that are his and Victor’s. He doesn’t think about how they would manage to have them, because who in their right mind would let the two of them adopt so many children in the first place? But the thought is in Yuuri’s head now, and he feels something akin to yearning in his chest thinking about himself and Victor stepping out onto the ice with their child between them, small hands holding on to theirs as they find their feet on the ice that both his or her fathers love so much.

____

“Your free leg is sloppy!” The voice comes from somewhere behind him. 

____

“Yes, Coach!” Yuuri replies. It’s a game they’ve played many times before. He smiles without turning around, concentrating on giving his step sequence a run through. Only then does he skate over to where he can see Victor leaning on the barrier. He stops right in front of him. Their hands find each other right away over the barrier, and they hold on tight. 

____

“Have you ever thought about it?” Yuuri asks. He leans in for a kiss because he knows they’re alone. And then he remembers what day it is today and his hands come up to grab the front of Victor’s jacket and he kisses him with more need and urgency. 

____

“Coaching?” Victor asks when they’ve stopped kissing and are very much out of breath. 

____

Yuuri nods. Victor ponders over the question, one finger poised on his lips. 

____

“I don’t know,” he admits. “I haven’t given much thought about what I want to do when I retire.”

____

Yuuri decides not to spring it on him then that he just made him a father of six in his imagination. And anyway, retirement is years and years away. They’ve got so many medals to win before that. 

____

“Are you coming home now for your birthday party?” Victor asks. The smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Yuuri can feel his heaviness of heart and leans over the barrier for a hug. Victor’s arms come around him like he never wants to let Yuuri go. 

____

A little while later they are stepping out of the Ice Castle into the November night. Their shoulders touch because they walk so close together. Yuuri remembers that he is twenty now. A bright smile stretches his face and he takes Victor’s hand, right there on the street in Hasetsu. Yuuri’s heart is dancing in his chest. It feels like his relationship with Victor can now shine brighter than ever.

____

An SUV is parked outside Yu-topia Katsuki. Yuuri notices how Victor deliberately doesn't look at it as they make their way inside. They both know that the car is loaded with suitcases and boxes that will go on a plane to St. Petersburg later this evening, and that it breaks Victor’s heart. 

____

Yuuri smiles obediently through the birthday cheers and congratulations his family and close friends spring on him. Minako-sensei is there, of course, Yūko and Takeshi because Yūko’s parents are watching the triplets tonight, Yakov, and Victor’s parents. 

____

Yuuri’s mother has made katsudon, and there’s a Medovik cake that Victor’s mother has brought, but even the memory of a romantic gift of cake and a first kiss under cherry blossoms cannot bring forth that heart-shaped smile that Yuuri so longs to see on his birthday. He feels Victor’s ache, and Yuuri aches for him. Time and again he brushes his hand over Victor’s as they sit close together as usual at the dinner table. He puts food on Victor’s plate that doesn’t get eaten. 

____

Yūko and Takeshi go home after dinner. The triplets are staying with Yūko’s parents overnight and they just want to sleep. They have presented Yuuri with a gift card for the skates shop to pay towards his next pair of skates, knowing they usually take a huge chunk of money out of his budget. 

____

Yuuri’s father brings out the good sake and cups for everyone, and soon their fathers are singing and dancing arm in arm, while Minako-sensei starts on her usual melancholy drunken stories. 

____

When the time comes to say goodbye, Yuuri feels ready to cry. His heart is an aching lump in his chest and he wants to hold Victor. 

____

Everybody is outside by the SUV now. 

____

Victor tries very hard not to cry, Yuuri can see it, can feel the strain in him. 

____

They have known for some time that this day will come, and all this while Yuuri has been anxious that Victor could be regretting his decision. It sure feels like it now. 

____

Mari nudges Yuuri and points over to where both mothers stand close together, talking quietly like they are in a world of their own. Yuuri sees Mari snap a picture of them and thinks it’s only fair because they sure are a sight to behold. Ekaterina Alexandrovna Nikiforova is tall, blond and wispy. Hiroko Katsuki is short, black-haired and plump, but they are both the most loving, beautiful, supportive mothers Yuuri can imagine. 

____

Victor has waited until the very last moment. When everybody else has said goodbye, he steps up. 

____

“Mamochka.” It’s all Victor says as he takes both her hands in his. And she cries, after she held herself so bravely upright all night. Victor cries, too. He has thought until this moment that it would be easy to let them go. He goes to Russia often for competitions and skating-related events, he will see them then. But it only strikes him now, the full meaning of his parents leaving and him staying behind.

____

His father has been called back to Russia by his company. Victor’s parents are moving back home to St. Petersburg, but Victor is a grown-up now who can make his own decisions. Victor has chosen to stay. With Makkachin. With Yakov, who is, needless to say, less thrilled. 

____

With Yuuri.

____

He just hadn’t expected that it would hurt so much to let them go. 

____

He doesn’t mind his father’s bone-crushing hug this time. For a long moment they stand entangled in a hug of three, Victor and his parents. All three of them are crying. 

____

Victor sneaks back inside the house while everyone else waves his parents off outside. 

____

An unused banquet room in the Katsuki household has been cleared out and turned into a guest room with a sofa, a large futon and a sideboard holding trinkets that were in Victor’s room before his parents’ house in Hasetsu was packed up and sold. A large painting by Victor’s mother fills one wall, the beach in Hasetsu on a summer morning. She loved painting those the most. Makkachin’s bed has been set up in one corner, surrounded by her toys. Any other free space has been stacked with boxes that hold Victor’s belongings. Victor knew he would stay with the Katsukis for a bit until he has decided where his path will take him next, now that Yuuri is old enough to legally make all his decisions himself. 

____

Tonight Victor finds himself in a strange place. His past has just left for the airport to go back to St. Petersburg. His future is hopeful but currently as empty as one of his Mama’s unpainted canvases. It’s a very vast and lonely present to find himself lost in.

____

Yuuri is standing by the door watching Victor as he opens the Russian doll and takes all her smaller and smaller sisters out until he has them lined up by height. Disappointment pools in Yuuri’s stomach. He had hoped for more enthusiasm. He had hoped for joy, and hugs, and heart-shaped smiles. 

____

Mari comes in, carrying a box that looks exceedingly heavy and that she dumps unceremoniously on top of one of the other boxes. 

____

“You’ll need to get up some more shelves for all those books.” She’s talking to Victor, nods at the box. “Though I don’t see where you find the time to read so much, what with all the skating and smooching up to my little brother.” She gives Victor a friendly rub on the arm as if for comfort and is gone again, her footsteps fading in the hall.

____

“Mari-neechan!” Yuuri reprimanded, blushing, but she probably can’t hear him anymore and strangely enough, her brashness has actually drawn a small smile out of Victor for the first time this evening. 

____

Victor looks inside the box. He takes out a book Yuuri can see has Cyrillic writing on a cover that looks a lot like fairytales. The tender way Victor skims through the pages of the book makes Yuuri’s heart contract in his chest and he reaches up subconsciously to clench his jumper right over his heart.

____

“I’d better just unpack what I need the most,” Victor says softly. He places the book back in the box and begins to reassemble the Russian doll. “Maybe Mari can show me where I can store the boxes with the stuff I don’t need all the time.”

____

“Why would she do that?” Yuuri asks from the doorframe. And suddenly he knows. 

____

Victor doesn’t _understand_. What with all the birthday and goodbye celebrations and his hurt he’s so desperately been trying not to show, they all somehow missed to say the most important thing out loud to him. Yuuri feels like such an idiot. It seemed like a good idea, they had all thought so. They hadn’t told Victor because it was meant to be a surprise and also because he has been so caught up in his own heartache and spending as much time with his parents as he could before they leave. 

____

And suddenly anxiety curls like a sizzling wire inside Yuuri’s stomach. What if Victor doesn’t understand because… it never occurred to him that this could be… what if he doesn’t _want_? This?

____

Victor looks at Yuuri. He tries a smile. “Well, it wouldn’t look really nice if your guest room was cluttered with my stuff all the time, would it?”

____

“Victor.” Yuuri’s heart is in his throat. He feels like he can’t breathe. “This is _your_ room.”

____

Victor freezes. He blinks. 

____

“My...” It comes out a croak and clears his throat. “My… room?”

____

Yuuri nods and slowly peels himself off the door frame to step closer into the room. He walks up so close that he comes to stand mere centimetres apart from Victor. Close enough that he could feel the warmth off of Victor’s body, if there was any. Yuuri gently takes the Russian doll from Victor’s hand and puts it down on the sideboard. He takes both of Victor’s hands in his. How are they so cold? Why is his Victor so cold? Yuuri wants to pull him down on the futon and wrap himself around him under the blanket and warm him up and keep him safe and warm forever.

____

“Your parents, and mine… I… we thought that…” It sounds stupid, whatever he was going to say. So he just squeezes Victor’s hands tighter. 

____

“This is yours, Victor.” Yuuri motions at the room with his chin. “If you want it.”

____

The smile works its way very slowly onto his face, but then there it is. Heart-shaped and accompanied with eyes that tear over with sheer disbelief. “This… Yuuri. I thought I would stay with you for a little bit and then try to find my own place in Hasetsu.”

____

“Or we could figure out where we are going with our skating and move some place else if we find better training facilities,” Yuuri says quietly. “But until then… this can be your home.”

____

Victor pretty much pounces on him as he throws his arms around Yuuri. Yuuri wraps his arms tightly around him in return. He isn’t sure he understands correctly because Victor murmurs very low under his breath but he thinks he hears, “Oh Yuuri, you’ve always been my home.”

____

They sleep together on the futon in Victor’s room that night, Yuuri spooned up behind Victor and Makkachin on Victor’s other side. Yuuri lies awake long after Victor has fallen asleep, wishing with all his heart that Victor can feel all this love he has for him. Promising himself to get better at saying the words he wants to say to Victor, no matter how hard it seems, instead of keeping them inside and hoping that Victor will figure out on his own what Yuuri means.

____

Victor wakes early the next morning. He lets Yuuri sleep and very quietly creeps from the room with Makka. It’s quiet downstairs, though he thinks he can already hear Hiroko rummage around very discreetly in the kitchen. Sure enough, there she emerges from the kitchen with a steaming cup of tea in her hand.

____

“ohayou, Vicchan.” She beams when she sees him and rubs Makka under her chin. The affectionate honorific warms Victor’s heart. 

____

Victor returns the greeting and explains that he’s going to take Makka for a jog along the beach so Yuuri can sleep in. Hiroko nods and sits down with what Victor has come to know is her ritual cup of tea before the work day properly starts.

____

The sound of his name in the room has brought a smaller poodle running from where he lay curled up by the kotatsu, the one place he likes to sleep even more than Yuuri’s bed. Victor still feels like a flailing fourteen-year old inside whenever he lays eyes on the chocolate coloured toy poodle and knows Yuuri named him after _him_. Laughing softly, he picks up his namesake for a cuddle. 

____

Victor puts his shoes and coat on the by the door and laughs when Vicchan eagerly joins him and Makka. Of course he wants to come, and of course Victor cannot deny him. 

____

After years in Japan, a quiet “ittekimasu” slips from his mouth automatically as Victor opens the door.

____

“itterasshai,” he hears Hiroko reply. 

____

Victor smiles as he steps out of the house and closes the door behind him. While he breaks into a jog with Makka and Vicchan chasing each other alongside him, he thinks about how nice it is that there is a standard phrase to say to a person leaving the house to let them know you wish for their safe return.

____

An hour later he makes sure eight poodle feet are clean before he lets them bolt into the living room. 

____

“tadaima,” he calls out softly, also automatically because the ways of this country have begun to seep into him. He takes off his shoes, shrugs his coat off his shoulders. 

____

“okaerinasai, Vicchan!” Hiroko comes from the kitchen carrying a tray that holds several small dishes. Her whole persona is warm and welcoming and love. Victor sees Yuuri in her face, and his heart, missing his own mother so much right now, feels a little more at peace. Smiling and fussing like only a mother can, Hiroko motions for Victor to come have breakfast by the _kotatsu_. She has always treated Victor like he, too, is hers. But right now, it’s her words that wrap Victor up even more in some much needed mother’s love than even her breakfast could. 

____

_Welcome home._

____

____

____

__**VI** _ _

_  
_  
  
Yuuri mourns Victor’s long hair even before it’s cut. He knows Victor has been thinking about getting it cut for some time. He’s seen the pictures Victor ponders over, of the particular style Victor has in mind, and Yuuri would be lying if he said that thinking about Victor with that haircut didn’t cause some interesting stirrings below his waistline._   
_

But oh. Victor’s hair. That glorious cascade of moonlight Yuuri likes to bury his face in and breathe in. He worries sometimes that Victor’s holding off the hairdresser appointment for him. For Yuuri, who likes to play with Victor’s hair when he wakes up from anxious dreams in the night and likes to run his fingers through the soft silver strands of Victor’s hair then because it calms him.

____

Now, tugging is whole different matter. Wrapping a handful of Victor’s hair around his hand and tugging, not too hard but hard enough that it sends shivers down Victor’s spine, is a huge turn on to Yuuri. Yuuri has been thinking. For a long time he has been thinking; just like Victor has been thinking about getting that haircut, Yuuri, too, has been thinking. He’s not worried about what Victor will say, for Victor always meets him where he is. If Yuuri could, just once. Just once tug Victor’s head back by his hair while he’s behind him, fucking him, yanking Victor’s head back to expose his throat to his mouth. If he could have this and burn in onto the hard drive of his memories, he might, just might be able to let Victor’s long hair go. He has been contemplating back and forth and come to a decision.  
  
They are in Germany for a skating gala, one of Yuuri’s first senior events. Victor and Yakov say he needs to put himself out there, make a name for himself on the circuit outside of competitions. 

____

Phichit Chulanont is here too, a very talented upcoming Thai skater who has decided that he and Yuuri are going to be best friends for life the first moment they met at a competition. Yuuri spends a fair amount of the time they should be going over their gala routines sitting in the stands with Phichit. Something is not quite right with the ice, they’ve been informed, so everything is delayed and they’re waiting. Yuuri would be much more irritated with what he considers highly unprofessional if it wasn’t for Phichit and his bubbliness. Black-haired heads stuck together, they giggle at pictures of Phichit’s hamsters on Phichit’s phone and a song from his favourite movie that Phichit swears he will skate to some day. They make plans for a stroll across the local Christmas market. Phichit scrolls through pictures of gingerbread and _Glühwein_ stalls and points out the route from stall to stall he has already decided for them.

____

Christophe bloody Giacometti, as Yuuri secretly refers to him, is getting cosy down by the barrier with Victor in a way that Yuuri does not like at all. He knows they have been good friends for years, but still. Yuuri feels only the slightest bit silly when he excuses himself to Phichit and makes his way down to them. He slips his arm around Victor’s waist in a possessive manner and with a look on a his face that would drive the bravest man away. Chris, however, laughs. So does Victor. And so, Yuuri could swear, does Phichit, somewhere up in the stands behind him.

____

“So this is your Yuuri.” Chris grins at Victor with an appreciative nod. 

____

“Yes. This is my Yuuri.” Victor pulls Yuuri closer to his side and places a kiss on his temple. 

____

Yuuri’s jealousy blows over in an instant. 

____

Victor is going through his stretches in a quiet room he found for himself when Yuuri seeks him out. They still have an hour or so before they need to be on the ice for the dress rehearsal. One leg on a table, Victor bends in half to reach his propped up toes, when Yuuri sneaks up behind him. He has made sure nobody is paying them any attention, but this is somewhat urgent to him. Victor jumps when he feels Yuuri’s hand on his arse, giving just the lightest squeeze.

____

“You know…” Yuuri mutters and sits down on the chair next to the table Victor is using to stretch against. Ironically enough there’s a bowl of fruit sitting on that table, and Yuuri thinks with a shake of his head, trust Victor Nikiforov to just use any table he finds convenient for his stretches, even if it was actually used for catering.

____

“Every time I see you bent over for stretching, I want to fuck you like that,” Yuuri says and bites into an apple he took from the bowl and polished against his Mizuno pants. 

____

Victor stares at him dumbfounded, one leg still stretched out on the table, trying to process. He’s trying not to laugh with utter glee, wants to know just how long it took his Yuuri to muster up the courage to say those words out loud. But he can see that Yuuri is still coming to terms with the fact that he _wants_ to voice those things to Victor, by the way he mutters his words and frowns and blushes when he does say them, and how his eyes sparkle once the words are out and he has Victor stunned. So Victor blinks, once, twice. Yuuri is looking at him like innocence personified, mouth full of apple, trying not to smile as he chews but oh, his eyes are twinkling, and Victor wonders how it can be that his boyfriend’s sweet, sweet mouth can utter such complete filth like he’s talking about the weather, and what a very lucky man that makes him. 

____

At this point in their life and love they have been exploring for years, discovering their bodies, randy teenagers one day and timid lovers the next. They have spent whole nights just kissing until the sun came up. They have shared more awkward, embarrassing and downright hilarious moments with each other than they can count. They intimately know the feel and the scent and the taste of every inch of each other’s body, but they have never done that. They’ve never gone all the way. If anyone who knows them knew, they would not believe it, judging by how close and at ease and all over each other they are. Chris certainly doesn’t, and every single time they meet he keeps asking Victor in that particularly charming way of his whether he’s gotten dicked yet. Victor is about two hundred per cent sure that Phichit asks Yuuri the very same question, and he means the very same all the way up to the dot on the ‘i’ in dick.

____

Now, Victor has always quietly prided himself of the fact that they took their sweet time about things. He liked the romantic notion that they were leaving some things to be discovered. That they share a level of intimacy not even many older couples don’t get to reach. He loves how deeply they fell in love over the years and how they discovered all possible kinds of physical expression of their feelings. But as much as he cherishes the romantic notion of them saving themselves for each other, he has also come to feel exceedingly tickled to discover how much of a sexy beast has been hiding inside his Yuuri. As they grew older and their dynamics evolved bit by bit from puppy love to passion, Victor couldn’t deny that he cannot wait to lay that eros bare, layer by layer once the time is right. As for the timing, he will let Yuuri set the pace. He has always trusted him that way and met him where he was. Looking at him now, Victor gets the thrilling feeling that perhaps the time has come to take it one step further.

____

“Mhm, my Yuuri.” Victor lowers his leg down from the table and winces momentarily at the burn when he puts it down again. He cocks his head. “What are you going to do about that then?” 

____

He enjoys Yuuri’s widening eyes and the little cough as he tries not to choke on a piece of apple from surprise. Victor gifts him a devilish smile and saunters from the room. 

____

That night Victor finds himself bent over with his feet planted firmly on the floor and his hands gripping the edge of the dressing table in their hotel room as Yuuri is fucking him deeply and steadily for all it’s worth. Victor loves the feeling of Yuuri inside him, he’s been waiting for this for so long. He loves all the dirty sounds they fill the room with, the panting, the moaning, the slapping of skin on skin, and especially the small grunts of “Mine!” he is very sure he can distinguish from all the lustful gibberish spilling from Yuuri’s mouth in two different languages. If Victor had the strength to look up at the mirror above the dressing table, he would get a kick out of the way he just knows Yuuri is crinkling his brow now in concentration as he’s trying to make this good for the both of them but most of all for Victor. Victor’s bottom lip is sore from his biting it so hard, the muscles in his arms are beginning to ache from the strain of bracing himself. He was this close to spilling several times already because Yuuri, being Yuuri, took his damn sweet time preparing him thoroughly as there couldn’t be anything worse for him in all the world than hurting Victor. 

____

“Say, Victor...” Yuuri says while he’s buried to the hilt in Victor’s firm arse and has one hand wrapped tight around Victor’s leaking cock wanking him hard and fast while Victor’s knuckles are white from holding on for dear life to the edge of the dressing table. Victor can see beads of sweat dripping from his face onto the walnut table top and bouncing off the polished wood. “D’you think we could do a famous athletes’ photoshoot some day for a gay magazine where they don’t show our faces but just this part? Just me fucking you into a dressing table like this?”

____

Victor curses loudly and dirtily in Russian and comes all over Yuuri’s hand. Then he drops his head and laughs, because. This is as absurd as it is fantastic. This is his first time. He is right in the middle of losing the last part of his goddamn virginity to this gorgeous man he’s loved for years, and trust Yuuri to always turn the tables on him and surprise him when he least expects it. And oh, is Chris going to love this when he next gets him drunk and coaxes intimate details out of him.

____

And then Yuuri’s hand that is still covered in Victor’s cum grabs a handful of his hair and tugs. Victor yanks his head up, leans into the pain of the pull that is just right to make a shudder run all over his body. Their eyes meet in the mirror for a moment. Victor growls “Fuck!” but it’s more of a feral sound coming from deep down inside him. He’s blushing all over now and moans out loud because of how downright dirty this is, how insanely erotic. His skin is glowing, a delectable flush spreading down his neck and chest. His eyes are shining. His hair is a mess, from the sweaty strands plastered to his forehead to the tousled mane falling down his back and around his shoulders to the cum-stained handful Yuuri has firmly in his grip. 

____

“Look how beautiful you are, my Victor,” Yuuri says and holds his gaze in the mirror. 

____

Victor knows he’s preening but he just cannot help himself. Victor, not Vitya. _Vikutoru_. Yuuri’s. He feels beautiful under Yuuri’s gaze. How wrecked he looks, and what a good look debauchery is on him. They smile at each other in the mirror and then Yuuri pulls Victor’s head back and turns it just so that he can kiss him as he starts rocking his hips into him once more. 

____

“daisuki da yo,” Yuuri murmurs against Victor’s lips, before he tongue-fucks his mouth in time with his thrusts until he comes and collapses against Victor, who tries to hold them both up along with the dressing table as good as he can. 

____

Later Victor leans back into Yuuri in the lavish tub in the hotel bathroom. He’s still somewhat giddy and all smiles but ever so weak in the knees from being shagged within an inch of his life by the love of his life for the first time. He has no idea if he’ll be able to pull off all his jumps in the gala tomorrow and he couldn’t care less. 

____

Yuuri takes his sweet time washing Victor’s hair, paying attention to every tress and strand with so much love and care that they both feel the bittersweet premonition of farewell in the action.

**VII**

It’s their last winter in Japan for a while. Competitions are over for them both and in just a few weeks from now, they are moving to St. Petersburg together. Yakov is so happy, Victor swears he actually saw him smile for the first time in his life. Yakov thinks they don’t notice how much dearer his walks along Hasetsu beach are to him now, or his baths in the onsen, or the evenings he spends with Toshiya-san.

____

Yuuri shivers and huddles deeper into his scarf. His hat is pulled so low down into his face and his scarf up so high that only his glasses and nose peek out. Victor doesn’t wear a hat, of course. He claims he’s Russian and doesn’t need one. Yuuri’s snort gets muffled completely by his scarf.

____

He pulls the scarf down to say “Don’t you dare think I’ll take care of you when you catch cold here!” 

____

Victor looks back at him over his shoulder. He doesn’t say anything but his sultry smile says it all. Of course Yuuri would take care of that whining, snotted up mess that is Victor Nikiforov with a cold, and they both know it. Yuuri has never met anyone who can make a common cold appear to be like he’s on the threshold of death quite like Victor can. Who else but Yuuri would take that on?

____

“ _okaa-san_ will make me boiled rice porridge and ginger tea then,” Victor grins. 

____

Yuuri tries to hold down the _utter onslaught_ of emotions when he hears Victor refer to his mother as ‘mum’. Of course, he’s been calling Victor’s mother ‘mama’ or Katya too for the longest time, but that does nothing to change the feels. There are no rings on their fingers but they might as well be just invisible for how obvious it is for everyone that they are forever.

____

“She would have to come to St. Petersburg for that,” Yuuri reminds him.

____

Victor just smiles wider. “Oh, she would.”

____

Damn, but he’s right, Yuuri thinks. His mother would totally fly to St. Petersburg to nurse Victor back to health. 

____

They are in Sapporo for a small holiday. Victor has wanted to see the Sapporo Snow Festival since the day he moved to Japan but they never found the time. They figured doing this now before moving would be the best opportunity.

____

Yuuri watches Victor marvel at the ice sculptures in Odori Park. He moves from one to the next, excited like a child, taking pictures and selfies with a passion Yuuri normally only sees in Phichit. Behind his scarf, Yuuri is feeling amused and very sappy. Behind his winter coat and jeans, Yuuri is feeling something quite different. Victor has finally got his hair cut off and Yuuri couldn’t deny it under torture - the stylish short hair with bangs that cover his left eye looks fantastic on him. It looks hot, and it does all kinds of things to Yuuri.

____

One sculpture in the shape of a Japanese castle strikes Victor’s interest especially and he calls excitedly over to Yuuri. A group of young women is already cooing and fawning over Victor’s hair by the time Yuuri has wandered over, or it could just be that they follow ice skating and recognize Victor. Victor has agreed to let them take as many pictures of him and with them as they like, though in exchange he would like them to take some pictures of Yuuri and him in front of the ice castle.

____

Yuuri has enough after about five minutes, but Victor has other plans. 

____

“Victor!” Yuuri complains when Victor yanks the hat from Yuuri’s head and moves the scarf out of Yuuri’s face. “It’s cold!” 

____

“Yuuri! One can hardly see your pretty face!” Victor complains right back.

____

And before Yuuri knows it he finds himself grabbed into Victor’s arms and tilted back in a kiss that makes Yuuri bring up his arms around Victor’s neck for fear of falling over. 

____

“Always so dramatic,” Yuuri’s mutters against Victor’s mouth when the kiss ends and he’s upright again, but his arms are still around Victor’s neck like Victor’s arms are around Yuuri’s waist. They bring their foreheads together and smile brightly at each other.

____

Victor is over the moon. The women have taken some beautiful pictures with his phone. Yuuri feels shy as he always does about photos of himself when he looks over Victor’s shoulder as Victor scrolls through the pictures. Victor saves the one of them kissing as his background right away.

____

“Send me that.” Yuuri points at the picture of them smiling with their foreheads touching. It makes him forget about the cold. He rolls his eyes at Victor’s pleased grin, but when he turns away he’s grinning, too.

____

They spend hours at the Snow Festival. The ground is slippery and the crowd is huge, which makes walking through the park and seeing all the sculptures slow progress. Yuuri holds Victor’s hand tight in his and they laugh when they almost slip on the frozen ground, and then they laugh harder as they joke about how embarrassing it would be if two internationally renown figure skaters such as themselves, who practically spend their whole life on ice, couldn’t keep their footing in a frozen over park in Sapporo. They eat popcorn and sausages from the food vendors, and Victor is delighted that it’s getting late and dark enough for them to see the sculptures illuminated and enhanced with classical music from invisible loudspeakers.

____

The music changes and they burst out laughing again because it’s a slow piano instrumental of the very song they first skated to together with their hands entangled at the Ice Castle all those years ago. 

____

Yuuri reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a blue origami rose he sneakily bought from one of the vendors while Victor was busy cooing over and petting someone’s dog. 

____

“Yuuri!” Victor smiles his heart-shaped smile and accepts the delicate paper rose like it’s the most precious gift ever. “' _sekai ni hitotsu dake no hana_ ,’” he says as he looks up, grinning, a tip-off to the song, and Yuuri groans inwardly. He is in love with the cheesiest dork in the world. 

____

“It’s like coming full circle,” Victor says as he pulls Yuuri close into a makeshift dance that is no dance at all because they are not moving and basically just sharing a really long hug. They remain like this for a little while longer, embracing while they look at the illuminated sculpture of an ice castle. Yuuri could stay like this forever. If it wasn’t for, well. 

____

“Yuuri?”

____

“Mhm?”

____

“I’m cold.” 

____

“Impossible…” Yuuri mutters under his breath as he leads the way back to their hotel. Victor is clinging to him all the time, complaining about being cold and hungry. Yuuri decides not to mention the fact that it was Victor’s particular wish to come here. He buys him a yakisoba sandwich and a canned hot coffee of in a _konbini_ on the way, and at least hears nothing more about food until they reach their hotel.

____

There is a dressing table in their hotel room which had both of them blushing when they first came in. Now, Victor is standing in front of it, taking off his scarf, gloves and winter coat. He places them over the back of one of the two chairs beside the dressing table. His reflection in the mirror makes him pause for a moment. 

____

Yuuri has shed his coat and winter accessories by the wardrobe in the entry and is coming to join Victor now. He wraps his arms around Victor from behind and rests his chin on Victor’s shoulder. 

____

“I was really sad,” Yuuri says wistfully and locks eyes with Victor in the mirror.

____

“About my hair.” Victor doesn’t pose it as a question, he knows his Yuuri like the back of his hand.

____

Yuuri nods. “I met you with your long hair, and I fell in love with you with your long hair.”

____

He looks melancholy for a moment, but then shakes it off like a long lost but dear memory.

____

“Now, this guy…” Yuuri nods at the short-haired Victor in the mirror. “I have a thing or two to say to this guy.”

____

In the mirror, Victor winks and tosses back his bangs in an overly dramatic manner.

____

“Victor.” Yuuri grabs him by the shoulders and turns him around so that he faces him. He moves in closer, nudges in between Victor’s legs and Victor’s arms come around his waist to steady him.

____

“I am so proud of the man you have become, Victor.” The words catch in Yuuri’s throat. “You know I’m proud of your skating and you are my idol, and I want to skate with you until our knees give out and we can’t skate any longer. But this…”

____

Yuuri tugs lightly on the bangs he has brushed a little out of Victor’s face because he wants to see his eyes. “It’s different now from how it used to be, and it’s still the same. We’re grown up and I still feel the same. It’s always been you. I just want you to know that. I’ve only ever loved you. I want it always to be you. Us. Wherever we live. Whether we skate or retire, or adopt five kids or twenty puppies, I don’t care as long as we’re together. I want to take care of you, and… “

____

He takes a deep breath. 

____

“Please take care of me, too.”

____

Victor smiles. His eyes look a little teary, just like Yuuri’s now. 

____

He brings his hands up from Yuuri’s waist. Runs them up Yuuri’s arms until he can pry Yuuri’s arms from around his neck and entwine his hands with Yuuri’s by their sides. 

____

“It’s the same for me, Yuuri.” He sounds very emotional. “When I look at you, I don’t see my pretty Japanese boy any more but a very gorgeous, very kind young man. I want to look at you for the rest of my life and see you grow and change and become even more beautiful. And I want us to take care of each other until we are old and grey and sitting on a bench outside our house overlooking the beach in Hasetsu, and every one of our five kids will get four dogs each to walk because our knees will be so ruined from jumping quads and winning gold in every damn competition there is that we couldn’t possibly take care of twenty puppies.”

____

He squeezes Yuuri’s hands tighter. Brings one to his lips and kisses Yuuri’s fingers. 

____

They come together in a fierce embrace and cling on so hard that it hurts, both scared to let even one inch of distance come between them. Yuuri knows that Victor is crying a little now, he can feel his body tremble with the slightest sobs. And it’s okay. Yuuri is crying a little too.

____

At long last Yuuri huffs out what might have become laughter if he’d allowed it to breathe. 

____

Victor gently pulls himself free from their embrace and leans back so that he can see Yuuri’s face.

____

“What?” he asks and braces himself for the inevitable. 

____

“I hate to ruin the mood but…” Yuuri looks with great interest at the collar of Victor’s white dress shirt that’s visible under the cream-coloured cashmere sweater. 

____

Victor has to bite back the laughter. He _knew_ it. Sexy beast Yuuri is rattling on the bars of his cage eager to come out and pounce. 

____

“You look so good like that, Victor, so hot. It drives me crazy!” Yuuri’s voice is quiet and he avoids Victor’s eyes as he fusses with the now short strands of Victor’s hair instead. 

____

Victor waits. He knows his Yuuri. The words will come whenever Yuuri is ready. Whether Victor is ready for them, well. That is a whole different story.

____

“I want you to fuck me until I can’t remember my name.”

____

He isn’t ready. Victor blushes and blinks at him for a moment. 

____

“Yuuri!” he finally snorts out laughing. “And just how long have you been wanting to say those words to me?”

____

And now it’s Yuuri’s turn to blush as he mumbles, “Longer than you can ever know.”

____

Yuuri looks up then and the moment their eyes meet something snaps and the air is crackling with electricity. They make quick work of their clothes until Victor is at least out of his sweater and his white shirt is unbuttoned over his two-hundred dollar jeans, revealing his well-toned chest that Yuuri cannot seem to stop pawing at. Victor laughs lightly and steps away for just a moment to retrieve the lube he’s deposited in the bedside drawer earlier when they checked in because he had a hunch that he might be needing it while they’re here.

____

Yuuri is gloriously naked, leaning back against the dressing table with his arms to his sides and his cock red and throbbing against his stomach. He looks sinful and every inch worthy of worship.

____

Victor drops to his knees.

____

Yuuri thinks he could come just from the sight alone.

____

Incoherent sounds wring from his throat as he looks at Victor, unbuttoned white dirt sliding down one shoulder, closing his fingers around Yuuri’s cock and making him moan from the sheer sensation of friction. 

____

Yuuri holds on to the edge of the dressing table so hard that his knuckles stand out white. One of his hands shoots up to his mouth and he bites down on his fist to hold in a groan he thinks will split his chest open. Almost immediately Victor reaches up and yanks Yuuri’s arm down, his hand away from his mouth. 

____

“No!” Victor commands harshly. “Let me hear you!”

____

Yuuri’s hand grips down hard on the edge of the table top again. He looks down at Victor and utters a moan simply because Victor looks so wrecked, so feral. Yuuri’s breath hitches in his throat as he watches Victor coat his fingers in lube. He wants, oh, Yuuri wants. When Victor looks up again, Yuuri is already panting with anticipation.

____

“Yuuri.” Victor looks up at him, eyes dark with lust. “I want you to fuck my mouth now, okay?”

____

Yuuri is flushing crimson from his face down to his feet, or so he feels with the impact of Victor’s words, but he nods eagerly, and almost whines with anticipation. 

____

“I don’t care how rough you are, just let yourself go. I’m going to prepare you at the same time so I might need you a little distracted until you’re comfortable.”

____

Yuuri thinks he might just be the happiest puppy in the compound. “Can I…” he starts, his eyes huge.

____

Victor nods. “You can come in my mouth.”

____

„Oh _god_...” Yuuri moans. This is every second one of his teenaged wet dreams come true.

____

It’s a good thing Yuuri is so flexible. Victor brings one of his legs up over his shoulder and Yuuri instinctively bends a little in the knee with his other leg to give Victor better access. Victor holds Yuuri steady with one hand on his arse, fingers parting the plush flesh at the same time. 

____

Victor teases the tip of Yuuri’s cock with his tongue, licking up the first pearly bead of pre-cum. Yuuri tries to restrain himself but it’s impossible. He wants to see Victor’s lips around his cock as he thrusts his length without warning into the wet heat that is Victor’s mouth. And he does just that, loving the moment Victor’s eyes alone tell him how good he’s doing. 

____

The moment he feels the first of Victor’s fingers slip inside he throws back his head and lets out a filthy moan. It’s not like they haven’t done this before, he’s even fingered himself so many times now he lost count but something is different about here and now. Everything seems so much more meaningful after the promise they made to each other earlier. 

____

Yuuri doesn’t last long and he doesn’t need much. His body is like an instrument Victor knows how to play in his sleep. A second finger is added soon, a third not long after. Yuuri feels blessed, moving frantically and loving how Victor plucks music from his every nerve string. Yuuri comes with a shout down Victor’s throat and almost sobs when Victor helps him ride out his orgasm with rhythmic strokes of his tongue while his fingers stretch him wider. 

____

Yuuri looks down and wants to come all over again.

____

Victor wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He looks dirty and so, so hot. 

____

“Now!” Yuuri decides and reaches for Victor, helps pull him up to his feet and yanks him closer by the sides of his shirt. He can see a wet spot pooling at the front of Victor’s pants where a prominent bulge is straining against the fabric, and for moment Yuuri is filled with silly pride because after all those years, he can still do this to Victor. 

____

Yuuri watches from hooded eyes how Victor sheds his shirt and drops his pants along with his underwear. It’s the best sight in the world, he decides and reaches for Victor’s hips to pull him close until their bodies crush together and he can feel Victor’s throbbing erection against his stomach. 

____

Yuuri sits up on the dressing table and pulls Victor in with his legs around his waist. He reaches for Victor’s cock but Victor stills his hand with his fingers around Yuuri’s wrist.

____

“ _Here??”_ Victor asks incredulously. Yuuri just nods. He’s ready and very impatient now. 

____

“No.” Victor shakes his head. “The first time we’re doing this is going to be in bed. After that, I promise I’ll fuck you into every piece of furniture in this hotel room.”

____

Yuuri snorts as he brings his arms and legs closer around Victor. Victor perks his eyebrows in question. 

____

“At least one of us has the stamina.” Yuuri chuckles against Victor’s throat and he feels Victor’s body heave with laughter as he carries him the small distance over to the bed. 

____

Victor makes good on his promise. He places Yuuri on the bed like he’s the most precious work of art in the world. When he leans over him Yuuri reaches for him like the movement is naturally written into every cell of his body. He always wants to have Victor so close. 

____

There’s nothing wild or feral about the way they touch anymore now. Yuuri’s legs fall open like flower petals to the sun. Victor settles between his legs like he belongs there. He has placed a cushion under Yuuri’s arse to raise his hips a little and give him better access and both their hands meet on Victor’s cock to align him. It makes them laugh. Yuuri’s breath catches in his throat. He feels overpowered by his own courage. Victor feels big. Yuuri breathes a sigh.

____

Victor kisses him then, and Yuuri feels himself beginning to relax. He should have known, that Victor would meet him where he is. He did know, he was just momentarily overwhelmed. Victor is here, he’s got him. Victor is murmuring lowly into Yuuri’s ear, hot breath and love until Yuuri relaxes and raises his hips into every inch that’s slowly beginning to fill him. 

____

Yuuri looks up at Victor. He hopes that Victor can see in his eyes and in his face just how much Yuuri feels. He has been saving himself for this man, for this moment, all his life. He wants to drown in the sea blue of his eyes. This is different from everything else they’ve done. This is closer than everything else they’ve been. 

____

Victor takes him slowly, savouring every sigh from Yuuri’s mouth, every soft moan. They have the rest of their life to fuck like bunnies - now, they make love. It seems forever, being so closely wrapped in one another, their hands entwined on the bed and their mouths locked in kisses that mirror the way Victor thrusts into Yuuri so slowly and deeply that Yuuri feels he’s dissolving into a million pieces and seeping under Victor’s skin completely. 

____

Yuuri moans and throws his head back, arches into Victor’s every move and the way Victor drops his head into the curve of Yuuri’s neck. He licks into Yuuri’s collarbone and Yuuri shudders. It’s a slow build until Victor finally can’t hold back any longer and picks up the pace, wringing more sweet sounds from Yuuri’s throat. When he pries one of his hands free from Yuuri’s, Yuuri feels sad at the loss of touch, but only until Victor cradles Yuuri’s cheek in his hand and brings his forehead down against Yuuri’s. Yuuri wraps his legs around Victor’s hips and rocks into him, increasing the friction. They both need it harder now, faster. Yuuri clings on for dear life. He wants Victor to come inside of him, wants everything Victor has to give. 

____

Victor is beautiful when he comes, Yuuri’s name a broken moan on his lips. Compared to how noisy and passionate they so often get, this is a sanctuary. Yuuri has to kiss him then, pouring all his love and gratitude into this kiss. They come apart only because they need to breathe.

____

“Wow…” Yuuri breathes, the slightest smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. 

____

Victor smiles against Yuuri’s lips. He plants tender kisses all over Yuuri’s face, all the way to the sweaty strands of black hair sticking to Yuuri’s damp forehead. For a long time Yuuri just holds him close, one hand sneaked between their bodies so that he can feel Victor’s heart beating. They whisper to each other, promises and words of love that stay between them only and will never leave this small haven of intimacy they have created for themselves. 

____

Later in the night, when they have showered and almost succeeded in not ravishing each other under the hot spray, they order a sushi platter and miso soup from room service and polish off the food sitting in bed dressed in the hotel bathrobes. 

____

Sated, they roll around the bed kissing again, hands tugging at belts and sneaking under bathrobes until another kind of appetite is awakened. Yuuri can feel it very eagerly pressing into his thigh actually. Victor curses when Yuuri grabs his arse tight and presses himself harder into Victor’s hard cock. Just in case Victor has forgotten, Yuuri pulls him into a deep, wet kiss and reminds him of another promise that was made earlier, this one by Victor alone. 

____

They start with the dressing table. Yuuri begins to carefully move all the items to the empty chair beside it. He has done so with the room service menu, the writing pad, and he’s just reaching for the plastic holder displaying all kinds of flyers when Victor steps in and just swipes everything down to the carpet with one swift movement of his arm. 

____

It’s a beautiful dressing table, very deep, allowing Yuuri to lean far back on his arms and pull his knees up to his chest until his feet are propped up on the cold surface too. It’s either his very lewd position or the deep, soulful look of trust he casts at Victor that has Victor cursing low in Russian. 

____

Victor steps between Yuuri’s legs and leans over into a long lingering kiss. The tension breaks for one mutual smile of complete and utter trust long. Yuuri slides instinctively forward, towards Victor, the only direction he knows. And Victor is there, meeting him where he is. He hoists Yuuri up and wraps Yuuri’s legs around his waist, forehead pressed against Yuuri’s while his slender fingers are already delving deep and back between Yuuri’s thighs. 

____

Yuuri brings his arms around Victor’s neck and pulls him down until their beating hearts are touching. Pulls him closer and takes him home. 

____

____

**Epilogue**

The living room is dark, the eerie shimmer of a laptop screen giving off the only light. 

____

Yuuri woke up alone in the middle of the night and got up to look for Victor, but now that he’s found him, he leans in the door frame just watching him for a while. Five time figure skating World Champion and Grand Prix Final winner Victor Nikiforov, who is currently hunched over a laptop dressed in nothing but a pair of grey sweats he must have grabbed from the chair in their bedroom. He has severe bed hair and is squinting at the screen because he is too vain to admit that at the grand old age of twenty-seven he might be needing reading glasses. 

____

To Yuuri, this will always be _his_ Victor. The one he loves the most. 

____

These days Victor is thinking about what to do next season. Perhaps that’s what drove him out of bed. Victor has given the greater part of his life to the ice. He has won everything there is to win, several times over. He’s old compared to the other skaters. He can still give every single one of them a run for their money, but more than anything, Yuuri knows Victor is tired. His heart isn’t in it anymore. Victor wants to see what else life has to offer him. He leans towards taking a season off. Maybe try his hand at coaching Yuuri like they joked about some years ago. The r-word was mentioned in earnest this time. 

____

Yuuri’s heart aches when he thinks of a day they won’t sit side by side in the locker room lacing up their skates. When they won’t smile at each other and kiss for good luck before they step out on the ice. He cannot imagine being a competitive figure skater without Victor there. 

____

Yuuri also knows that whatever decision Victor makes, he is going to support it with all his heart.

____

Yuuri’s own season hasn’t ended so well. He fucked up big time in the Grand Prix Final and got drunk out of his head at the banquet. He doesn’t remember much, especially not pole-dancing with Chris half naked. Or grinding against Victor and declaring his undying love for him in front of everybody while his shirt hung loosely over his underpants-clad arse and his tie was wound around his head. Victor swears he was not embarrassed and merely fell in love with him all over again. Yuuri died with mortification when he saw the pictures and videos of his drunken antics on Victor’s phone. It was worse than the hangover headaches.

____

Yuuri notices the exact moment Victor feels his presence. The slightest tilt of the head, the way he straightens his back, aligns his whole being just the tiniest bit with Yuuri. 

____

“What are you doing?” Yuuri asks as he pushes himself off the door frame and walks over. His bare feet make a faint tapping sound on the cold floor of their St. Petersburg apartment.

____

Yuuri plants a kiss on the top of Victor’s hair as he leans over his shoulder to peer at the laptop screen. That thing inside of him that has been blossoming and thriving ever since he’s met a beautiful boy in his small hometown ice rink is erupting in fireworks. 

____

This has never been spoken out loud but always been a given. 

____

Victor has the cutest blush on his cheeks right now.

____

“Looking up places where we can get married.” His voice sounds so solemn, so soft. “That is... if you’d—“ 

____

“I do,” Yuuri cuts him off. He’s not sure whether he wants to laugh or cry just now. He squeezes himself in the small space between Victor and the desk with the laptop on until he can sit astride in his lap and wrap his arms around Victor’s neck. 

____

Victor’s smile is as wide as Yuuri’s, as heart-shaped as Yuuri’s love. 

____

Yuuri closes the remaining small distance between them. “I thought you’d never ask.” 

____

____

**Author's Note:**

> I meant to leave a different note here but as with everything else in this fic - YUURI! I swear to god!  
> I went from a person who lived and breathed writing to a person who didn’t write a single word in years. I wanted to try my hand at it again. Then this happened. I still don’t know how. Now that it’s finished I know that it’s all Yuuri.  
> He wouldn’t stop coaxing and getting me to add and change things and kick others out until everything felt just right. I wanted to write something different so many times but he wouldn’t let me. He wanted to add more scenes further up and when I wrote them I realized that they made perfect sense of things I had already written for later chapters.  
> Sapporo came out of nowhere. That whole part was meant to take place in a love hotel. Yuuri had other plans, apparently. He said he’s waited for that moment all his life, no way was he getting what was left to pop of his cherry in some tacky love hotel. He wanted to go somewhere nice. I gave him ice sculptures. He wanted to go all out. I tried to tell him he’s done enough naughty things for one story, but he’s as stubborn as they come. I’m so glad. 
> 
> Lately when writing I found it really hard to find the right words, but this time there were so many moments when the words felt just right. Yuuri Katsuki drew every single word of this piece of writing out of me. I haven’t felt so happy and wholesome just _writing_ for years.  
> 
> 
>   
> Thank you for reading. :)


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